That was DrWife’s Gmail status today, 4 days after we found out that we lost our baby. She was 11 1/2 weeks pregnant with our second child.
Other ways nerds/chronic planners/worriers deal with/question/grieve a miscarriage:
- “Rock Paper Scissors for who’s gametes were at fault?”
- Maybe I shouldn’t have done that 30 minute pregnancy yoga workout
- “Dammit, I wanted a Gemini baby!”
- “That due date was perfect, I wouldn’t have to deliver in the Winter (yuck), I would have just enough time after your birthday to prepare another birthday party, and it was right around the same time as Joby’s birthday”
- “Maybe we had sex a few too many times around my ovulation and the sperm got damaged cause there were so many of them fighting for the egg”
Don’t think we’re not hurt from this because of my statements above. We are, but we have no control over it (despite all that DrWife did/does/will do to change that). Lack of control brings an inner peace to me in times like these. A peace that allows me to let go, forgive, forget, move on….. try again…
Hit the jump for details
She had some bleeding over the weekend that went away but then came back by Tuesday. She went to her OB and she couldn’t find the heartbeat. A quick call to update me at work had me on the road to St. Vincent’s (despite DrWife’s insistence I stay at work). The ultrasound showed that there was no heartbeat and the baby was only about the size of your average 7 week fetus.
She’s physically fine, the D&C was complication free, and she’s recovering well. Emotionally it’s another story…. We have to wait at least 3 months before we can try again…… and we will.
Probably the most difficult thing was telling Fairlyn. She is/was so excited to be a “big sister”. I guess we “lucked out” with the fact that my inlaws had to explain to her the death of their parakeet a few weeks ago. We used some of the same verbiage with her and we think she understands what’s going on and that she may get a chance to be a big sister again…
December 12th, 2008 at 5:18 pm
Man, I am really sorry to hear this. I know you guys were excited. Next outing, I have a b33r with your name on it and possibly a non-gay hug.
December 13th, 2008 at 2:39 am
Sorry to hear that. My ex and I lost our second attempt about 10 weeks in and yeah it sucks. But sounds like you guys hearts are in the right place. It can’t be helped, it’s more common than everyone knows.
January 15th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
Nate, I just found my way over here from Mere’s blog. I’m so sorry to hear about the news. I had only just figured out that ya’ll were expecting again because I am so out of the loop. Thinking about you guys…
{hugs}