119
Coming clean
I’m an addict. I’m addicted to cigarettes. I need help.
For way too long now I’ve been doing the worst possible thing one can do to their spouse, I’ve been lying to her. I told her I quit, I was attempting to hide my addiction from her.
Well, last night the entire facade came crashing down upon my head:
I was in the garage a little after midnight last night working on the driving light mount for DrWife’s Subaru Forester, and sneaking a smoke in the process as I did most every night. DrWife got up to let the dogs out, noticed I wasn’t around, and went looking for me. She looked out the back door and saw me puffing away in the garage.
I’ve known since I met her that she didn’t want to would never be married to a smoker so my marriage is literally on the line here.
So I’m coming clean to the general public here on the site:
- My “Secrets”:
- I hide my cigarettes behind the interior fuse access panel in my car
- I always lose lighters, so I use the cigarette lighter in my car most of the time (in other words, I’m taking the cigarette lighter out of my car)
- My History:
- Cold Turkey has never worked for me in the past.
- Smoking and Drinking go together for me (except for when I’m around my wife for some reason)
- Too many of my friends have “enabled” my addiction in the past
- My Plan:
- I’m going to see a doctor, Wellbutrin has helped many people I know quit, plus it’ll probably help my occasional bouts with depression
- I’m going to seek out a support group. I’ve seen many signs around Birmingham for them and who knows, maybe I’ll get to meet meatloaf.
- I’m going to read the “Quitting Smoking for Dummies” book that DrWife bought me the last time she busted me.
- I’m going to stop going to bars (I think this will be the hardest part, I will miss the bands, the people, and the socializing)
- I’m going to ask the help of everyone I know (see below)
- My Needs:
- I need none of my friends to enable me.
- I need no one to give or offer me a cigarette.
- I need anyone who sees me smoking to punch me in the face.
- I need everyone to quit lying to DrWife.
I’m going to quit, I’m going to win this time.
I have to do it for my marriage, my health, and most importantly my daughter.
February 9th, 2006 at 2:52 pm
Good luck, man. Whatever you need, just call. I know I’ve been busy lately, but I’ll put it down to head to a game or come over and pretend I know what you’re doing to your car. I just got a widescreen LCD with HDTV so we can scope some movies, too (that was a shameless brag). Later,
February 9th, 2006 at 3:00 pm
Good job. That is a tough habit to break, but it can be done. My parents quit this last year if you can believe that. They were heavy smokers from WAAAAYYYY back. Mom quit cold turkey. Dad still has some lapses, but they are getting less frequent. Try the patch. Mom said it worked well for her.
Having a daughter (or a son) can change the way you look at life. I know it changed me. Since Emily was born I have been trying to loose weight. After many failed attempts I think I am going to make it this time. The outlook is good and I feel great. Not only that, but I am looking forward to all the things we can do together once she gets older. Plus, I think I might be able to play soccer again soon! The last time I played was 8 years ago and I injured myself pretty badly so I am looking forward to maybe kicking the ball around again this fall.
Just keep trying to kick the habit and you’ll do it.
February 9th, 2006 at 3:01 pm
If it’s any consolation / light at the end of the tunnel: my father smoked twenty something years, and said that after the first three days of quitting, the worst was over. My brother, smoker for seven years, quit with the aid of Wellbutrin.
On the flip side, my 22 years of smoking way too much tells me that you can’t really quit unless you want to quit. And I mean, for internal reasons, not external.
But good luck!
February 9th, 2006 at 3:05 pm
Not to make you or your parents feel bad or anything, but the 15+ hour ride back from Walt Disney World back in 9th(?) grade with your mom driving is one of the first times that I remember actually LIKING the smell of cigarettes. I’m proud of them both for quitting.
February 9th, 2006 at 3:18 pm
It’s all about The Patch, Nate. I quit smoking, but I’ve developed a pretty serious gum habit, which is doing NOTHING for my TMJ. On the other hand, I’d rather have a noisy jaw than, say, a bald head from chemo for my lung/throat/mouth cancer. Good luck, and let me know if you need anything, have any questions for a fellow addict, etc.
P.S. Work out like a fiend while trying to quit – it encourages you (b/c you can breathe so much easier) and keeps you from gaining weight.
February 9th, 2006 at 3:27 pm
You were on that trip? This was the same one where we got stuck at that rest station for hours on end? I don’t remember you being there, but there are a lot of things that I have forgotten over the years.
Oh…wait. Did you ride with Scott on the way down? Seems like that might be coming back to me now.
February 9th, 2006 at 3:40 pm
Good job on trying to quit! We’ve been trying to get my mom to quite for ages. It took having a grandchild for her to do it!
Anyway, I know we haven’t actually met face to face yet, but tell DrWife not to fear when y’all come to Tuscaloosa, because neither I nor my wife smoke.
Oh yeah, you can still see shows at WorkPlay since it is smoke free (well the part where the bands play is anyways.)
February 9th, 2006 at 3:41 pm
Camping out in Fort Wilderness while we were there, and then camping out in Fort Florida Turnpike on the way back
I can’t remember who I rode with on the way down there, but I think it was some huge van.
I remeber that because that was one of the reasons I had to squeeze in the back of you mom’s 2 door Accord(?) on the way back.
Wasn’t it Coach Jones’ car that broke down on the way back?
February 9th, 2006 at 3:53 pm
They Accord was Chris and Joey’s mom’s car (trying not to use last names one here. Privacy and such.) Mom and dad drove a van at the time. Lynn smoked too, but quit after Chris had his first son. Sadly, she passed away a few years ago. It was a very sad day for those of us who knew her.
Yeah, it was “Coach” Jones’s car that broke down.
February 9th, 2006 at 3:59 pm
Ahh…. I think I was confusing your family with theirs… That’s probably why I thought you were a senior when I was a freshman (I think Chris was a senior that year anyway)….
Wow, my memory *is* getting bad….
February 9th, 2006 at 4:16 pm
Nate, no problemo. I can only imagine the feeling you must’ve had (and still having) when you let the wifey down. I will certainly comply with helping. Out of respect for you and the wifey. Don’t know if I’d punch in the face… maybe the back of the head or sumptin.
You’ve got the drive to do anything you want/need, and I’d imagine without us enabling, and actually supporting your method for quitting it will be much easier. I salute you sir in your decision to “Knock it Off”. I shall joint you, as it’s already past my birf’day when i said I’d quit anyhow.
Scott.
February 9th, 2006 at 4:26 pm
Chris and I are the same age. We graduated the same year.
Dude, you gotta lay off the fire water!
February 9th, 2006 at 4:43 pm
Thank god..finally you will quit bumming off me!!
Just Kidding man!! But you know everytime I told you no you bugged the crap out of me until I gave you one.
I got your back nate. I might actually try to quit with ya. If ya need me to go to those support groups with ya I will. I’ll drag joni along too…kicking and screaming im sure but whatever. I know misery loves company.
February 9th, 2006 at 4:57 pm
I think you’ve made the first step, and I’m sure your friends in Birmingham will support you fully. Just stay away from shagn!
And I’m going to remember need#3 at sandblast!
Seriously, dude, it took a lot to come out and admit this on a public forum.
February 9th, 2006 at 7:00 pm
Well Nate, it looks like you have made a good start and I am certainly glad to hear it. You also seem to have avoided dismemberment from DrWife for which I am sure you consider yourself lucky.
You have support in whatever way you need it, punching included.
February 9th, 2006 at 10:42 pm
I didn’t know Lynn had passed away! That’s awful! I have great soccer memories with all of you guys…
Nate:
If my Mom can quit (with the help of the patch and Welbutrin) after smoking (sometimes nearly a pack a day) for 40 years…**40 YEARS** you can do it! I have faith in you. She hasn’t had one since the Monday after T’Giving. And because I love you, Brandi and Fairlyn, I’m not above dishing out some tough love if needed
February 10th, 2006 at 12:25 pm
Good for you my friend! You’re on your way to a better life and I will support you as long as my fists will keep allowing me to punch you in the face.
Good luck to you!
February 10th, 2006 at 7:18 pm
ABOUT DAMN TIME!!!!!!!!
I have wondered if she knew but did not know for sure. I here by promise that if at any time this weekend you light up I will, with love and respect, beat the shit out of you.
Jeff
February 17th, 2006 at 12:47 am
All right, brutha — show of solidarity. I started my road to quitting as of yesterday. ^ cigarettes each day, down from 2 packs per for the past 16 or so years (yes, I’ve smoked since i was 12). I’m aiming to be fully quit by the end of next week — I’ve got two packs left in my possession, and I aim to never buy a pack again.
It’s not easy, but I’m still pushing onward. If you need someone to pace you or compare, drop me a line.
February 20th, 2006 at 12:38 pm
Yeah…I’m a schmuck…I’ve given you smokes in the past, so I suck much.
If it makes you feel any better, I’m trying to quit, myself…and I spend copious amounts of time in bars due to the KJ thing.
We’ll have to do non-bar social drinking somewhere else.
March 2nd, 2006 at 1:07 pm
also check out the online voice Nicotine Anonymous meetings (there are about 3 per day): http://www.unofficialnicanon.com/vonr/voicemeeting.htm
March 14th, 2006 at 4:49 pm
Good now you can stop bumming off of me every time I see you :p
April 6th, 2006 at 12:10 pm
Hi Nathan — Want to do some Service Work (1 of the 5 tools is service work!!) to help a fellow suffering-nicotine addict? It’s computer related and probably a “breeze” for you to do. Connie at 323-6605 wants to be able to chat at the Nicotine Anonymous on-line spot. Call me at 836-5247 or 592-5228 or call her at 323-6605. She has 6 days of Smobriety today. (Missed you yesterday)